Monthly Contest: Win $50 Playing Cow Patty Bingo June 29, 2007

What the heck?

In the Southern US, and probably in several other places as well, we have a game called, “Cow Patty Bingo”. Here’s how it works. Using spray paint, someone makes a numbered grid on a small piece of fenced-in land. People buy numbers, and then sit back and wait to see which number the cow puts its pie on. In other words, people get really worked up about cow shit. Of course, cow shit is not the prize. The prize is usually something typical like an electronic device, tickets or money. I’m going to go with money.

So how do you play Cow Patty Bingo online? It’s pretty easy. Actually, it’s easy for both of us, since I don’t have to walk out into the steaming dishwasher that we call a climate around here with brain-cell-exploding spray paint. In fact, I’m going to do away with the whole grid/number bit all together. Actually, there won’t even be any cow shit. Why am I calling this contest Cow Patty Bingo? Well, that is just what happens when your creativity muse gets drunk and wakes you up at 3 am with “great ideas”. In other words, I don’t know.

How do I enter?

All you have to do is mention this contest with a link to this post on your site. If you mention one of your favorite articles as well, that will count as two entries. Simple. This contest will run until July 31st, at which point we will begin playing strip poker.

And the cow???

So where does the cow come in? I have found someone who is willing to be the cow. Introducing…the brave and beautiful Barb, from one of my favorite blogs, So The Thing Is…Blog.

I am a little pissed off at how good Barb looks in a cow costume. It makes me feel a little bit better that she has to put up with people who behave like “arrogant snot”. At least there is some justice in this world.

How do you choose the winner?

After you have linked to the contest, I will assign a random number to the trackback. I will give you an additional number if you decide to mention a post on this site. Then I will send our cash cow the numbers and she will choose one. The contest ends on July 31 at midnight in Texas.

The winner, in addition to getting the $50, will also enjoy a permanent spot of recognition on my Contest page.

What about runner-ups?

There will be five disgruntled runner-ups. These individuals will be recognized for their participation by being linked to in the Contest Winner!!!!! post.

This one is the easy contest. On August 1st, we are going to play strip poker!

Muchas gracias to Benjamin Cass for helping me with the photo!
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9 Absolute Essentials For A Popular Blog June 28, 2007

1. Join

Technorati
Stumbleupon
Del.icio.us
MyBlogLog
Digg
Reddit
MySpace
Facebook
Linked In

and ALL OF THESE.

Be sure to be an active participant of each community and make lots of “friends”.

2. Make a Squidoo Lens about your blog.

You can then comment on other people’s Squidoo lenses about their blogs, thus driving more traffic to your site. Become an expert about your blog.

3. Comment on lots of other blogs.

Ideally, it is best if you only comment on blogs that are more popular than your own. Make sure that you leave “meaningful and relevant” comments so that you don’t look like a spammer. Rapidly become exhausted and outsource your commenting to India.

4. Participate in bulletin board discussions.

Include a link to all 23 of your blogs in your signature. Again, you don’t want to look like a spammer, so make certain to be present in the community on a regular basis, and leave “meaningful and relevant” messages. Perhaps your personal assistant in India can help you out with this one as well.

5. Submit your site to 55 Active RSS Directories

.

You know all that fun you’ve been wanting to have with your blog? Well this is it.

6. Monetize your site.

Readers really hate blank space. Fill it up with adsense and affiliate advertising. Blinking ads are especially fun as they keep your readers awake. Make sure that you also insert advertising into every post. Write about products and then “cleverly” insert an affiliate link. Do not write about or link to another blog unless they have paid you. This is especially good advice for people who have just began to post. Here are 22 affiliate networks to help you accomplish this goal.

7. Put a Flickr photo album on your site.

Pictures of Florida are cool, and people will be back for more. If you are hot, then don’t bother. You don’t need the harassment.

8. Write some really good stuff.

Detailed explanations about your house’s plumbing problems are good.

9. Have a contest.

Giving away money so that you will be popular always works. You can also give away your belongings, thus saving you the hassle of a yard sale. This also gives you the opportunity to buy iPods for people you don’t know. Doesn’t it feel good to do nice things for others?

If these tips fail, you can always move to Chad and be popular there.

Did I forget anything?

Anchor Text: What I Have Been Doing Wrong For 4 Years June 27, 2007

I keep seeing contests that require a backlink to their sites using “anchor text” such as “make money online” in order to enter. Sadly, I had no earthly idea what this was until today. Four years of blogging, and making my links look like this instead of like the make money at home text it could be.

I thought I was being smooth.

Apparently, this entire time, Google has been ignoring my little words and moving right along to those more whorish sites. The unfortunate bottom line? Using anchor text will make your site rank higher in the search engines.

Here are five things you can do:

1. Use words that are relevant to your site in your anchor text.

2. Hope that others who are linking to you are doing the same. These are the backlinks.

3. Ask others to do the same. This is really annoying, so you might want to tell them that they can earn money online.

4. Use anchor text to link back to yourself so that you can make money online. Before I learned this little goody, I would have anchored the words “link back to yourself”. I still may do that sometimes, because apparently, using spammy-looking anchor text too often can make your writing suck.

5. Do not use the same anchor text repeatedly throughout your site, as the search engine spiders will see a web that doesn’t fit their algorhythm and eat you for dinner.

Next, How To Cure Depression After Discovering That Page Views And Unique Visitors Are NOT The Same Thing.