You know you’ve thought about it. See if you’re in the same boat with 99.3 percent of the blogging population.
1. Writer’s block hits. Your blog ends up with these:
|
You Are Big Black Boots! |
 You can be best described as: attitude You’ve got lots of it – and you love to give it A guy has to be pretty gusty to hit on you But if he’s your type, you’ll warm up… a little |
That pesky identity crisis I’ve been having is now solved. Thank you, Blogthings, for saving me thousands in additional therapy.
2. Your blog takes 10 minutes to load and no one tells you.
All of those widgets you have? They are cool, but I’ll never see them because the 75 you have on your site is seriously slowing you down. I can’t let you know because my computer crashes every time I try to visit. Blogs like this one really suck because of this shit.
3. Someone who hates you forwards your blog’s URL to your boss.
You are fired, and the local paper ends up having a field day writing articles like Local Schoolteacher Writes Internet Porn. You are only making $2.04 per day from your blog. You’ll have to move to Chad to makes ends meet.
4. Your SO finds your blog.
That post you wrote about him always leaving his dental floss lying on the bathroom counter and how his back is too damn hairy but you stay with him anyway because he bought you a new car is now regrettable. Move to Chad.
5. Someone finds out that you are not hot.
Your entire Internet cover is blown. The guy with the six-pack whose pictures you stole from MySpace finds out and is royally pissed. You are sued for defamation of character. You actually weigh 436 pounds and wear the same underwear three days in a row. The whole blogosphere is disgusted with you and your neighbors laugh and point. Enjoy those 15 minutes of fame! Chad awaits.
6. You do not become wealthy.
You’d better set that alarm clock. Your nine-to-fiver awaits you. You will not be living in the mansion you have “visualized into existence”. The visualization expert is living there.
And now…the most scary of them all…
7. No one reads your blog.
This may be because of numbers 1 and 2. You will not have to worry about 3, 4 and 5. You will not make $2.04. You will not have to move to Chad.
I feel a little shaky. I’m going to have a drink now.
Phew, how do you feel now that you got that out of your system? Do these nightmares keep you awake at night? =/
I’ll have a Captain’s and Coke for you when I get home from my nine-to-fiver. =P
No traffic has to be the biggest nightmare, that is harder to fix!
Great post, I love parts 3 and 5, I “lol’ed” after reading them. Btw, are you still making that whopping $2.00 a day?! I was very interested in a few of those cleverly placed Google Ads to the side there, so I just gave 2 or 3 of them a good visit
@Faisca: I feel so much better now. Tequila is good. Very good. Rum is better, especially if it is Captains.
@Chris: Living in Chad with traffic or living here in my nice comfy apartment without traffic? Let me think about it.
@Ben: Aw. You’re so sweet. That would be a good new rule of blogging etiquette, don’t you think? Anyway, that would explain why my income took a 2000% nosedive yesterday.
Oh fuck, I hope I don’t have to move to Chad — but if I do, will you Guest Blog for me???????
(heheheh, JP)
Writer’s block.. that’s my problem. Oh, well. I hear Chad is nice in the spring. It won’t be that bad.
What a great post!!! I can see #3 happening to me. Although it has been a while since I wrote “what is wrong with my job” posts. I am due though!
Wow you must be rich to be able to afford a flight to Chad. The only way I’m getting there is by swimming.
[...] Everybody’s worst blogging nightmares [...]
Hey Michelle-
Cool, I’ve already taken care of a couple of these problems without knowing it:
#3 — I sent my boss said URL about one week after launch. I figure I’m a full-time writer, she’s my editor, and there’s no porn on the site. Whew.
#4 — No problem here. My SO is my wife and we’re developing the site together. Can you imagine a writer and designer under the same roof. My mom wonders why we just don’t start our own business. No one else wonders that though.
Loving your site. More later.
-Norm
meetinthelobby.com
[...] Everybody’s Worst Blogging Nightmares – This one comes from a new but uber cool blog Bloggrrl.com. Here are 7 things that all bloggers should dread. [...]
All my SO’s know about my blog. One of them I actually met because of my blog, so I’d take that out.
I suppose I’d replace it with “Chad’s government finds your blog and imposes a fatwa on yourself for posting hate filled comments on their glorious nation” (or something)